SATIRE: Social Lives, Social Lies

Fight for what’s right! School should be a student’s #1 focus.


   As we all know, school fulfills every aspect of a student’s life. It’s the root of all joy in a student’s life, and 100% of students are happy for every waking moment of their life. Life beyond school isn’t necessary, if it even exists at all.

   One student, however, was caught doing otherwise. Junior Victoria Best was caught working at local restaurant Panera Bread.

   “I deeply apologize for what I’ve done here. I wanted outside experience and pay, and I couldn’t get that from school.” Best said.

   While Best makes a point, school always takes priority. Financial stability and experience beyond high school don’t outweigh the commitment you are told to fulfill by faculty and parents. They design your life, you do it perfectly, if not better than perfect. It’s a simple concept, and Best is wondering how she missed it.

   “I don’t know how I didn’t see it before. I’ve made some severe lapses in judgment, and it won’t happen again,” Best said. 

   Later that same week, Best also had cheer practice on top of her “job” at Panera, making for two extracurriculars taking away from valuable homework and study time. 

   Best admitted that cheer is an enjoyable practice. It gives her an opportunity to socialize with others she normally wouldn’t and to exercise. Best however now recognizes that her classes should be commanding her full attention. 

   Best also mentioned that pressure for college applications and having extracurricular activities may have affected her judgement, she does see that none of that matters, and only classes deserve her time. 

   Despite paychecks and work experience, Best sees how having a job is practically treason.

   “It took away school time, and I see that now. I should have been dedicating even more time to classes and homework,” Best said.

   Best estimated that she spends around two hours a day on homework solely, but without added things to her schedule it definitely could’ve been higher, as it’s supposed to be (anonymous faculty sources state roughly 4-5 hours). Best also sees how she was taking advantage of her teachers’ kindness by occasionally asking for extensions on assignments. 

   “I should’ve been able to keep up all the time regardless of my life. It doesn’t matter what’s happening outside of school. Only school matters, and I can see that now,” Best said.

   Best also acknowledged that she wanted to maintain a social life along with classes, cheer, and her job. While students do interact with each other during the school day, their priority is class. But it should also be their priority leaving campus. Seeing other people and socializing shouldn’t take priority over school.

   “Students must understand that their education is the only thing that matters, and that education and education alone will only make them happy,” Upper School Dean of Students Kelly Aull said.

   “I was trying to do the impossible; be well-rounded. I see now that I should be the human equivalent of a straight line, always in the direction of school. A machine with one purpose, no life, no soul. It’s clearly the only way to succeed, and success is life. Without success, your whole life is pointless and comes to a halt,” Best said. 

   Best wants to take the opportunity to formally apologize to all those she hurt and took advantage of.

   “I want to say I’m sorry. I made several mistakes. I never intended to hurt anyone. I only wanted to get experience, meet new people, get money to save, and live a life. It wasn’t my intention to go beyond my one true life purpose: school,” Best said.

   Clearly, she has apologized, but can she be forgiven?

   “I would just like to remind students that criminals also have ‘social lives’,” English teacher Jay Jay Stroup said.  

   Remember, students. School is all you need! Say NO to a “social life”.