Oh, love. How fickle thou art. It covers such a wide range, from first kiss to picking out china patterns and sharing a spice rack—how does one even begin to understand it? When it comes to matters of the heart, it all seems so uncertain and nebulous. And yet we keep on trying.
In the spirit of these brave triers and troopers, here are five tips that just might help the love boat sail smoother:
1. Be Your Authentic Self
As the holidays roll around so does that dreaded question: “What should I get my boyfriend/girlfriend?” And though material belongings can be a nice physical reminder of how much you appreciate someone, more than anything, it’s better to be present than to get presents. The finest way to show someone you care is to offer up a good chunk of your time and spend it with them, just listening and being yourself. That means putting away your cell phones and logging off Facebook; there’s no better place to be than right here, right now.
2. It’s Only Awkward If You Make It Out to Be
Face it. That silence wasn’t ever “awkward” until you claimed it to be. The fact of the matter is there’s nothing inherently awkward about silence; the discomfort we feel is the fruit of our own (and often times wrong) perceptions. Don’t feel the need to fill in quiet with words just for words sake. It’s meaningless and a waste of breath. Make this your mantra: only open your mouth if what you’re about to say is more beautiful than the silence.
3. Don’t Be Afraid To Put Yourself Out There
I’m not saying you should run barefooted past airport security to halt the one you love from making this HUGE, BE-ALL-END-ALL mistake of getting on that plane to God knows where (Seriously though, has any rom-com film director ever actually been to an airport? Making it to the gate like this is just not plausible.) But I am saying that you should do all those things you later regret not doing. Embrace vulnerability. The worst that could happen is you’d fail and fall, but, believe me, it’s worth the jump.
4. Borrow From the Classics
Humans have a tendency to look at the past with nostalgic, rose-colored glasses. Coca-cola, James Dean. Isn’t there something so romantic about it all? Eh. Kind of. With a silent severity of sexism, the ‘50s weren’t all peaches and cream—no matter what Mad Men may suggest. So, instead of groaning out an uninformed “ugh, I wish it was the fifties!” try, instead, to take the positives of that decade (as well as any other decade before or after it) and rejuvenate it. Take all that “old-time” chivalry, words of love and those Buddy Holly records, and twine them with what we’ve learned thus far. It can be easy to feel conflicted about chivalry, but (unlike the ‘50s) it’s no longer gender specific. Anybody can hold open doors, pull back chairs and say a kind word. Manners are back in town.
5. Stay True to Yourself
None of the above tips are of any importance if you don’t abide to the three “be’s”: be honest, be aware and, predominantly, be genuine with yourself. Don’t ever apologize for the way you feel, and don’t get caught up in something that makes you feel uncomfortable. In a nutshell, you’ll never be able to truly love another if you don’t love yourself first. So, be patient. You’re going to blunder and thrive, but it’ll all be worth it in the end.
