Dear Reader,

There is nothing worse than feeling like you’re worthless.

We’ve all been there, smack dab in the middle of rock bottom. It could have been a bad grade—a C on a recent and rather unpleasant math test in my case. Maybe it was a frustrating argument with a parent—like two deaf men yelling, wondering why the other isn’t listening.

Perhaps it was a sudden pang of jealousy for a friend—silly, true, but nobody can help the way he or she feels. Or maybe it was the spontaneous realization that hey, you aren’t the best-looking or most popular kid in school.

Whatever the case may be, self-doubt, self-criticism, and self-pity have wormed their way into the hearts of even the best of us. It’s important to remember, however, that worthlessness is not unconquerable.

Nowadays it seems like a lot of teens are under the seriously deluded impression that “smarter” means better, that “popular” is all there is, and that “looks” are—duh—totally important. But in reality, all of that is what makes high school the biggest joke of all.

I get it. It’s easy to let yourself get swayed by these kinds of pressures. Some people are just naturally gifted. They’re brilliant, they’re confident, and they seem to have everything down pat. They’re all set for college and the rest of their life. They know they’re going to get married, have a bunch of kids, own a big white house with a bright green lawn, and basically live happily ever after.

And naturally, because they figured all this out in high school, that must mean they’re that much better than you.

Now I don’t know who all else shares this sentiment—though I hope many of you do—but I like to think that this notion is completely and utterly ridiculous.

I won’t try and tell you that there aren’t any teens out there that aren’t superiorly talented because many people are. I will, however, tell you that there are more teens than you think who feel the same way you might have once—like nothing.

I once had a friend who flat out told me that her parents didn’t love her. She’d been complaining for a long time about her grades, and she absolutely hated her math class. The work was fast paced, she never understood the material, and yet her parents always seemed to push her to get an A on everything. “Your friends,” they said, “get a bunch of awards all the time. You need to be on that stage next year.”

Harsh, right? Well, yes and no.

While getting straight A’s is all good and dandy, getting a B or C on something does not constitute a failure, especially when you know you’re doing the very best you can. If you’re studying so much that your eyes are practically popping out of their sockets, then obviously you’re working hard.

So if by even doing that you don’t quite get an A, so what? Big deal. You put in the effort, and that’s all anyone can and should ask of you.

By the same token, it never hurts to push yourself to do better. In my friend’s case, it wasn’t that her parents didn’t love her. In fact, they loved her a lot. When our parents give us a hard time—especially those of us here at Trinity—it’s not because they’re doing it just to burn daylight.

Their intentions really are good at heart; they just want what they believe is best for us. As we get older, they have less and less opportunities to do things for us and to teach us things that we can’t do or figure out on our own. So look at it from their perspective. Even if you don’t agree, for the sake of peaceful mediation, do your best to appease them. At the same time, however, keep in mind what you want.

Ultimately, my friend ended up dropping some of her harder classes. She talked to her parents about it, and they were against it at first. But her parents weren’t the ones going to school. She was. The bottom line is that you have to do what is best for you.

Yes, you take into consideration the advice and guidance from your parents because more often than not they’re going to be the ones who know you best. But don’t forget that you know yourself too. You know how you function and work, and you know what’s hard for you and what isn’t.

So don’t be ashamed if you have to drop a few classes here and there just to get by. Don’t be ashamed if you maybe get a little jealous now and then because your friends are brainy and always receive a bunch of awards.

Try not to think of the jealousy you’re feeling as anything hateful or malicious. Instead, look at it from a positive angle. Use it as a motivator. Remind yourself that you want to be successful to help push yourself to study and work even harder.

Keep in mind, though, that this doesn’t mean you try to be like them. There’s great reward in success, but even a successful streak won’t last long if you aren’t comfortable with it. Do everything to the best of your abilities because there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being you.

Which brings me to my next point. Vanity is very overrated. It’s not a crime to want to look your best. There’s no harm in having nice shoes or nice clothes or nice hair. But there is a problem if you feel bad about yourself because of a comparison you or someone else makes.

True beauty is not something that can be seen by the naked eye. The person you are now as well as the person you become are the only things that will matter to the people whose opinions actually count later.

Take this as an example: my twelve-year-old sister definitely got the better genes. She’s a good inch or two taller than me, doesn’t have a cholesterol problem, and can pretty much eat whenever and whatever she wants because she’s so stick thin. She’s pretty, tall, and super athletic, whereas I can’t dribble a basketball—let alone reach the hoop (or get the basketball into the hoop for that matter)—to save my life.

But does that change how much my sister and I care about each other? Or how much fun we have together when we’re hanging out or goofing off? Absolutely not! Because enjoying life with the people that love you and being a good person has nothing to do with what’s on the outside. It’s what’s on the inside that will always matter to them and what should only matter to you.

Be comfortable and accept who you are—inside and out—because there’s only ever going to be one of you in the world. You are special, no matter what anyone says.

 Worth is not a measure of how many awards you receive or how good looking or popular you are, and it’s certainly not a measure of how smart or unintelligent someone else leads you to feel—parents included. There is only one person that can make you truly worthless: yourself. If you let in all the negativity, allowing yourself to believe you are nothing, then that is what you will become.

So my advice for the rest of this year: make the most of it and stay true to the person that you feel you are. Life is too short to be wallowing in doubt, to be angry with your parents, or to even stress over one math grade.

There is absolutely no time to feel worthless. So start picking yourself up, and enjoy the upcoming holidays with your friends and family! Believe me, Reader, you are worthy enough to deserve exactly that.

Don’t worry; be happy! You’re perfect just the way you are. Have any more questions? Email me at [email protected]. I can’t wait to hear from you.

 Sincerely,

Lexie Dantes