Caden Liu

   Are you tired of staying up late and stressing about unfinished homework? Fear not, fellow procrastinators! This ultimate list of excuses for not doing your homework will make your teacher think twice before giving you a zero. What’s gaslighting again?

“The Police Took It In As Evidence”:

   After deriving nuclear launch codes from your Multivariable Calculus homework, don’t be surprised when the Secret Service comes knocking. Because, let’s face it, nothing screams national security threat quite like a high school student with a calculator.

The Jedi Mind Trick:

   Fear not, young Padawan. Wave your hand in front of your teacher’s face and say, “This is not the homework you are looking for.” Works every time, unless your teacher is a Sith Lord.

The Starbucks Order:

   Picture this: you’re stuck in a long Starbucks line and someone orders a Venti Caramel Crunch Frappuccino with extra pumps of dark caramel sauce, bananas, whipped cream, extra ice, honey blend, and caramel drizzle. As your teacher froths at the mouth listening intently to your story, they completely forget about the homework you didn’t do.

The Granny Gambit:

   Nobody wants to question the validity of a supposed family tragedy. It’s like walking on a thin ice of morality, however desperate times call for desperate measures. Make sure to use it sparingly though, because if you’re caught in a lie, the only thing six feet under will be your grade.

“I Got Kicked Out Of The Library”:

   When you’re kicked out of the library for discussing the ethical implications of eating Tide Pods, you should’ve known that not everyone can handle your intellectual debate skills. At least now you have a legitimate excuse for not finishing your work.

The Religion Card:

   The only thing better than pocket aces is the religion card. If anyone speaks up, tell them you need to call your spiritual leader for clearance.

“TV Is Too Tempting”:

   With the release of a new season of The Bachelor, it’s not your fault you spent the whole night binge-watching all of the episodes. Who needs to know Shakespeare when you can learn about the complexities of modern relationships.

“I Didn’t Want To Add To My Teacher’s Workload”:

   We all know teachers have enough on their plate, so why not be a good Samaritan and spare them one more assignment to grade? Considering the sheer number of Red Bull cans littering every classroom, it’s clear they already have enough to deal with.

“Why Would I Give Away My Intellectual Property?”:

   In Trinity’s cutthroat academic environment, giving away your intellectual property is like shooting yourself in the foot. After all, why give away something you worked so hard on to a teacher who probably doesn’t even remember your name?

“I Didn’t Do It”:

   Sometimes you just need to be honest – let’s be real here, who in their right mind would accept that excuse for not doing your homework? That’s where the nine above come in, each with a 100% success rate. Don’t believe me? Well, why not give them a try yourself?