In a shocking turn of events, brain-eating zombies have now overtaken the halls of Trinity. Like a scene from “The Walking Dead,” students and teachers alike now must hide for safety and fight to survive.

   The school’s outbreak can be traced back to one event: Witmer’s pipe burst. The pipe was filled with thousand-year-old pathogens which when released transform those around it into zombies; hence, Trinity’s ongoing apocalypse. It has been discovered that the pipe burst was staged by the board of trustees to motivate donors for the Nochur Sankar Science Building. To make up for their oopsie, the board has decided to speed up funding for the Nochur Sankar Science Building in hopes of creating a survivor sanctuary.

   “Our kids are the future, and the only way we can cultivate that future into something more is through the Nochur Sankar Science Building,” Head of School Byron Lawson said. “Of course it’s not ideal that we have lost some kids and faculty to the virus, but we cannot let that slow us down. Donate now as with your help we can build a better tomorrow.”

   Students agree that the Nochur Sankar Science Building will be crucial if they want to survive amidst the zombies, but they still aren’t without concerns.

   “I have faith that the Nochur Sankar Science building will provide the best option for shelter and safety once built,” senior Mohil Kapadia said. “But, in the meantime, it could be the reason I get killed. Construction has displaced parking all the way to the tennis courts, and everyday on my unsheltered walk to class I risk being turned.”

   While circumstances have made life at Trinity rather bleak, select individuals have still found ways to thrive. Art teacher Kymberly Moreland-Garnett for example has truly found herself amidst the chaos with her survival kit making business.

   “Despite the fact that survival kits don’t pull in my usual monthly salary of 10k from Girl Scout cookies,” Moreland-Garnett said. “I’m still delighted with my new gig. I feel as though I have a greater purpose now with my products quite literally saving lives. And it’s all because of the zombies! I couldn’t be more grateful for the opportunities they have provided me.”

   Similarly to Moreland-Garnett, chemistry teacher Romina Jannotti has found immense success with the help of the zombies. Her new zombie-repellent perfume has led to her Nobel Prize nomination.

   “Prior to the apocalypse, I was just a teacher, and that’s fine ya know,” Jannotti said. “But I knew I was always destined for more. This apocalypse has left a cavity for scientific inventions that I knew needed me to fill it. I soon had the idea for a chemical repellent perfume, and well one thing led to another and now I’m up for the Nobel!”

   Unfortunately, not all seem to have found the same level of success as Moreland-Garnett and Jannotti in these trying times. Head of Upper School Tracy Bonday specifically is drowning in work from the loss of her assistant Sebastiaan Blickman, who was one of the first to be turned by the zombies.

   “Since Blickman became a zombie, I haven’t had any free time! I’ve now taken over all of his responsibilities in addition to my own,” Bonday said. “Between pulling kids from class, dress coding everyone I see, and sorting through hundreds of teacher thank you letters, I have not had time for Starbucks in two days.”

   Bonday is not the only one who has been overworked by Trinity’s infestation. Nearly half of Trinity’s staff including the entire Spanish department has been turned by the zombies, leaving the surviving teachers to pick up the slack.

   “We need to start rehiring,” Latin and AP Physics teacher Kyle McGimsey said. “I can’t do this much longer. They have me teaching AP Physics! I was a Latin major, I’ve never taken a physics class, do you know how hard that makes it?” 

  Alas, reinforcements won’t be coming for a hot sec. Lawson and the board released a press statement saying that there won’t be any room in the budget for new hires until the Nochur Sankar Science Building is complete.

   “I understand everybody’s frustration, but for the good of the school we must all keep trudging through these trying times,” Lawson said. “Once the Nochur Sankar Science Building is complete, everything will go back to normal. In fact everything will be better than normal! We just need everyone to hang in there till 2092!”