As Valentine’s Day approaches, expect broken hearts and lots of leftover chocolate. The fourteenth may be a happy day for some, but others face the grim reality of being turned down. Rejection shouldn’t be a sugarcoated truth, no matter how sweet it can be made to sound.
In this season of love, courtesy is a must. Whether on the giving or receiving end of rejection, “no” is a painful word to say and hear. Unfortunately in today’s society, pity is showered on the rejector.
While not always the case, boys are usually the ones asking girls out, making the females the wielders of the ultimate “yes” or “no.” Having that power is understandably stressful; however, society has pressured sympathy for the females. “How could he put me in that position?” is a common argument of the rejector. It’s fair to say that yes, this is a sticky situation, but where is the sympathy for the rejected? “Well he shouldn’t have asked if he knew I would say no” is not a valid invitation for a pity party.
There’s a horrible stigma associated with a man’s feelings – that men are emotionally illiterate. Contrary to popular belief, guys are just as sensitive and hurt as easily as the opposite sex, but because society pressures them to keep their feelings bottled up, the rejection culture is significantly biased.
“We know males do not outwardly show as much distress as women as evidenced by the fact that women are more likely than men to seek therapy or counseling for problems or crises,” psychology teacher Donna Walker said. “But certainly males feel the same range of emotions as women, [but] some males may feel these emotions less acutely.”
Men place special emphasis on keeping the sentiments internal – especially with the “bro code.” If males were free to express their feelings, there would be a better understanding between the genders.
Researchers discovered that in relationships, boys reported lower levels of confidence compared to girls in a 2006 study from Bowling Green University. Being rejected is like tripping over your own shoelaces – embarrassing and painful. These feelings are worsened especially if “no” was a rough translation of “sorry I don’t want to be around you because you are not cool enough” or “I was waiting for someone else to ask me.”
Guys are expected to swallow rejection and move on, and I believe that’s what most of us do – externally. Internally, maybe even subconsciously, our feelings are hurt, and we become angry and distressed. Unfortunately we have no one to whisper words of inspiration. Girls have mothers, friends and stacks of books, while the road of rejection for a boy is often a lonely path.
The standards for asking someone out are also grossly different. When a male is rejected, everyone expects things to be O.K. When a female is rejected, a swarm of hate descends on the boy who “broke her heart.”
Boys are expected to say “yes” to whomever asks them, upholding chivalry. If a man says “no,” they are viewed as a jerk who is only interested in women who are easy on the eyes. When a boy asks a girl, the decision is up in the air. Females are rarely persecuted for brushing away an undesirable date.
Everyone should be allowed to make the choice of “yes” or “no.” There shouldn’t be added pressure with these decisions. Should everyone accept an ask? In a perfect world, yes. The experience may not be what the person had in mind, but “take it like a man” and try to make the best out of the situation – who knows, the experience may be enjoyable.
