The Kwammentary: HOCO asks need more class

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The Kwammentary: HOCO asks need more class


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   There’s nothing quite like the incentive of dancing in a dim-lit gymnasium filled with Party City balloons and streamers to get Trinity students to put a little more effort into their social outings.  Candy is bought. Posters are outsourced. Secret plans are kept even worse than they normally are.

   It’s a shame that, for all of our minimal effort, our HOCO asks fall about as flat as a steamrolled pancake.

   Now you might be confused as to why asking out a classmate who you have only spoken to twice in the past six years at Trinity doesn’t just gush suave and romance.  And such confusion is valid — asking to borrow someone’s pencil is usually a surefire way to immediately stoke the red-hot flames of passion and intrigue.

   Of course, I understand your desperation to resort to such trivial techniques to land yourself a date to show off to all of your friends.  But asking out someone random because — hey, you have AP Chemistry together — won’t end well.  It’ll just lead to an awkward slow-dance to a song that feels a lot longer than it really is.  

   My advice? Bring someone who you actually talk to on a daily basis to Homecoming.  And if that’s not an option, you can always just — get ready for it — go in a group.

   Crazy, right? I can hear cars careening off the highway and Chick-fil-A working on Sunday already.

   Let’s say you do choose a nice, suitable date to Homecoming.  Great!  You’re not out of the doghouse yet.

   There seems to be an unspoken agreement that homecoming asks must come in the form of some meticulously planned spectacle involving a bedazzled poster with an overused pun.  We’ve all seen it — a crowd not at all nonchalantly (chalantly?) converges upon a single location to witness the presentation of a poster that was undoubtedly made by someone other than the proposer.  After the practically inevitable acceptance, the two happy homecoming dates stand awkwardly with their arms frozen around each other and a smile plastered on their face as the crowd silently documents the moment for Instagram and Snapchat.

   You’d think they’d just asked for a hand in marriage and not a dinner at Olive Garden.

   The point of asking someone to Homecoming is that things are already easy, relaxed and lowkey between you two.  There should be no need for anything more than a “Hey, you want to go to Homecoming?” to do the trick.

   All Homecoming should really represent is a night out with friends.  It should be treated no better, no worse.

   Well, unless you’re asking me out, of course.

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