The Plea to Save Gen Z



   Just yesterday, senior class treasurer and Peace Jam president Bhrajit Thakur was rushed to rehab on a stretcher during break following a cell phone binge. Parents were outraged that he didn’t attend the Saint Stop that they had been planning for months until they found him relapsing in the quiet study hall room, iPhone 10 in hand. Doctors later found his screen time was at a disturbing high: twenty-eight hours and thirteen minutes just that day. Thakur later claimed that he was “just trying to study a quizlet” for a quiz he had in AP Mic Mac. Phrases like these are all too common amongst iPhone addicts, and parents are worried.

   Following this disturbing incident, activist and hippie Kelly Aull has protested to trade the yearly FCD drug talk for an anti-phone addiction prevention convention. 

   “I came to teach because I had a lack of attention as a child. But now that everyone has a phone, they hardly even pretend to care about what I have to say. It’s like, now I’m going to have to actually try to make class interesting.” Aull said.

   The P.A.R.E program, or Phone Abuse Resistance Education, proposed a new idea that would prohibit students from bringing their phones to school. 

   “Since we’ve always cared so much about the student’s sleep schedule here at Trinity, I think taking phones away would really help the kids be more well rested,” Aull said. “Sure, we could give less homework or start school later, but I think handicapping them from their addiction is much better of an idea.”

   Mother of eighteen and writer of her own parenting blog, Erin Good, is fully against letting teens have a phone in any sort of form. 

   “I decided to have kids so that they could entertain me, but now they just sit on their phones all day,” she said. “It’s like, what am I supposed to do? Make friends of my own?!”

   In times like these, it is important we keep our Episcopalian value as a top priority. Thursday’s homily is scheduled to be about the hardships of addiction, followed by a dubstep parody-remix of hit-single, “the Grace.”