Following an anonymous tip citing students sneaking out of the Science Discovery Room wearing gogo boots and tube socks, the Trinity Voice decided to launch an investigative report to find out the true happenings inside this suspicious location. Upon closer examination, the sign that leads to this room has partially eroded, showing the name “Science Disco Room.” Although it seemed like a funny coincidence at first, we soon came to find out that there was much more to the room than previously thought.
Science Teacher and suspicious location owner Michael Arney greeted us at the entrance of his classroom donning a feather boa, fedora, and light-up toys normally handed out at bar mitzvahs. Through the window we could see a sparkling dance floor with dozens of students inside.
“Welcome into the first Disco Club on Trinity’s campus, welcoming bell bottomed jeans and boots with the fur (with the fuuuuur),” Arney said.
Upon arrival we noticed that this was no ordinary secret club. The 70’s themed club was filled with students and teachers alike. Some of these students were later to be identified as missing online students from the administration’s 10 Most Wanted Remote Students list.
“What do you mean ‘missing?’” formerly missing online student Reyna Mapa said. “We’ve been having such a blast at the disco club, hiding unknown for weeks, but we were never really gone at all from school. We were here the entire time!”
As a frequent visitor, Mapa took us on a tour of the entire facility, from the main dance floor to the light up bathrooms and robot assistants. As per club policy, we were required to travel solely on roller skates and abandon our phones at the front to keep an immersive and secretive experience.
The first thing that caught our investigator’s eyes were the assistant disco robots, courtesy of Arney’s robotics classes.
“As part of operation Saturday Night Fever, my students were sworn to secrecy and provided their utmost abilities to form fully functional full-service robots,” Arney said. “One of their more popular functions include acting as a jukebox to play classics like ‘Stayin’ Alive’ and ‘Dancing Queen.’”
Now that Arney’s operation has been thrust into the limelight, it is now much more obvious as to where all of the funding for the Robotics and Science departments has been diverted to. We found English Teacher Jay Jay Stroup dancing with one of the robots, another one of their 70s services to provide entertainment to guests.
“I love having a private disco paradise to let out some energy and just relax and groove,” Stroup said while performing a Y.M.C.A. dance duet with a very enthusiastic robot. “I guess my advisees now know why I never show up to advisory, but who cares! I get to party and they get to go to the grille – it’s a win-win.”
The final stop on the tour was a behind-the-scenes look at the hair and makeup room, featuring the most fashionable trends such as perms and every shade of sparkling eyeshadow imaginable. Above the mirror was a slogan that read “Bring Back the Bowl Cut!” with a rather long list of signatures.
With Arney’s permission as the executive disco-director of this club, the release of this special investigative report has been approved for public viewing.
“Because we were ‘discovered’ and couldn’t risk being exposed without the proper preparations, we have agreed to open up the disco lab to everybody,” Arney said. “Grab your jumpsuits and gogo boots because this club is going to host the party of the decade!”
How Arney managed to hide the club for the past few years may continue to be a mystery, with rumors suggesting the club has been in operation since the new Brokaw Hall was constructed. Even more shocking was how with the push of a button, the Disco room immediately reverted back to its normal status as a classroom.
“I never thought that our secret hangout would ever get discovered, considering how discreet and well-hidden it was,” Stroup said. “But now that it’s open, I hope that everyone can enjoy the amenities and join me and my robot buddies in a group Y.M.C.A. dance off.”