Regret-Free Tips for Your Daily School Life

Eyebrows

  Everybody wants to make the most of their high school careers, but without the proper knowledge, you’re as dumb as the Rock in the quad! If you want to maximize your time and efficiency, just take a look at the few easy tips I learned from my stress-free years of high school. It’s easy and regret-free!

Pack a charger

  There’s nothing worse than your computer or phone dying right when you need it! Avoid that potential disaster by bringing a charger to class so you’re always prepared. That way, you’ll always have your phone ready for 6th period Latin Gimkits, and not forced to partner with that classmate just because it died during lunch. You know who you are. It’s an easy fix!

Set two alarms so you don’t oversleep

  While everyone wants to get those few extra minutes, getting to school on time is important. Making sure you’re up bright and early is essential, but by setting two alarms you can ensure your success! If you forget to set one right after 6th period, as you should do everyday, the second one will be there as a backup. And even though you’ll be confused and bitter and panicked about what made you forget, the dawn chorus shadowed by your cursed muttering, the clock’s beats will calm you from yesterday’s failures. It’s time to go.

Get to the grille early

  But speaking of getting to school early, make sure you get to the grille early! Many people say that the best way to get to the grille early is just to get a friendly teacher that will let you go, but it’s much simpler. Every teacher is friendly when they’ve been slipped an envelope containing $5. In fact, you should wonder why you don’t use this more often. A fish rots from the head down. And to quote the 2012 film “The Lorax” starring Zac Efron, Ed Helms, and Danny Devito and directed by Chris Renaud, “money makes this world go round.” Go on. Mr. Rhoads needs a new Toyota.

Don’t leave essays till the last minute

  Time management is essential to good grades, and nothing requires that dedication more than essays and presentations. Rather than cramming at the last minute, make sure to get ahead and plan your time out. With some practice, you’ll make the pages- and time- fly right by! Leaving things till Sunday night is never a good idea, especially when you’ve had to miss most of your free time due to detention just because the teacher couldn’t keep his mouth shut, leaving you desperate, clawing at words and pencils and pages as the moon looks on. It gives you no answer, no analysis on the role of storytelling in There, There. What did you expect? You did this to yourself, built your cage on forgetfulness, laziness, greed. You end up reading about teleology on Wikipedia at 1 in the morning, though you don’t remember which Sparknotes page brought you there. It explains how objects have an intrinsic purpose, how function is found in finality. It takes a weight off your mind and adds it to your chest. You didn’t cause this; it was always going to end this way. You were always meant to end up here. Because as the Onceler says in the 2012 film “The Lorax”, a film which critic Adam Mazmanian described as “a movie the Unabomber would have loved”; “how nice to see someone undisturbed from reality.” 

Prepare for presentations

  You try to compartmentalize it. You need to. Standing in front of the class on just a moment of restless sleep, you feel five years of stress and struggle rise to a boil within you.

Keep your workspace clear

  Five years of mistakes, five years of failure, reduced down to a list of tips and tricks. 

Pick fun electives

  A life in words, and words for a life.

Ask Questions

  The posters are shifting around you, a whiteboard now a white canvas. A projector hums to life, blue boot-up into blue sky. There’s a hush

Be yourself 

  fallen over the science class, and as time folds inward you expand. The last time you were you. The last time you were happy. 

Use Study Period

  The sparrows are back. The robins are here. 

Use a planner

  The warblers, the thrush, the common pheasant turned special as the chorus crescendos, rising and growing and spilling onto the screen in front of you as two words project onto the whiteboard. 

Don’t stick forks into electric plugs

  onto your life, onto the stress and the future and the endless endless tips you should’ve listened to, onto the great world and the small you 

It’s

  and everything that you should’ve been, everything perfect and piece in its place. Two words: 

It’s Ok

  “The Lorax”.