SATIRE: What it Means to Be a Saint: Online Edition

Master the Art of Distance Learning


Just Another Huangster

   Have you ever gained a streak of being late to a class? Overwhelmed by an excessive amount of free time? Disconnected to the rest of the world? Well, worry no more. This article contains the core fundamentals for mastering “What it Means to Be a Saint” —– online. By following these vital traits, any virtual student will feel like their part of the Trinity family —– 6 feet apart of course.


   In these uncertain times, it is important to always be attentive and an active participant in class. The biggest tip we’ve learned is to never be late to class by creating a time efficient schedule. One of the biggest misconceptions that Trinity students have is that waking up an hour before school gives you the best start to the day, however, multiple studies done by Travis Scott have proven that waking up at 7:59 a.m. (1 minute before school starts) is actually more practical.

   “30 seconds for breakfast, 15 seconds to wake the brain up, 10 seconds to get to my computer, 5 seconds to log onto the Google Meet,” said senior Hanson Zhang, a senior who started making this new schedule popular. “One minute is all anyone needs to get ready for the day. Any more time is excessive and useless.”

   With this tip, you’ll see yourself participate more in class discussions and asking intriguing questions in class. Teamwork makes the dreamwork!


   No matter the circumstance, all Trinity Prep saints should attack whatever challenge with honesty. And for virtual students, this trait continues to remain prevalent. In fact, the biggest tip we can give is to honestly cheat. For example, whenever a group assignment or project is assigned in class, virtual students have discovered new ways of escaping the task. Some learned how to turn off their WIFI router while others have started to just unplug the power to their computer. While this may be seen as an act of insubordination, it just goes to show the creativity of Saints on campus. 

  “I don’t think any of us hate school,” sophomore Saad Saeed said. “A lot of students just don’t like the homework, the classwork, the projects, the exams, and waking up early. I’m sure if they take those out, school would be a blast.” 

   Virtual Saints have been able to think outside the box when asked to uphold these traits. Sometimes it’s not about following the rules to a tee, but thinking of ways to work around them. And after all, it’s not cheating if your tech doesn’t work!

   “You know they say honesty is the best policy, but if you don’t have the ability to lie when needed, you’re just a liability,” Saeed said.


   Growth for Trinity Prep saints means being learning to adapt to any situation. Saints were thrown multiple curveballs this past year and have been forced to think outside the box to come up with solutions. For example, coming out of spring break 2020, many virtual athletes were eager to show off the new skills they garnered over the break. But they quickly found how difficult it was to swing a bat, run a mile, and swing a racquet over Google Meets. The solution? Wii Sports.

   “I was super disappointed that our season got canceled,” sophomore Charlie Lehr said, “but the Wii was the perfect solution.” 

   Not only did Wii Sports improve Lehr’s baseball skills, it also allowed athletes like Lehr to expand their horizons on athletic options. Lehr and other spring sport athletes have wonderfully displayed what growth should mean for a saint online.  In fact, Lehr almost decided to drop his varsity baseball team for a completely new sport … bowling.

   “At the time, I felt a strong calling … I wanted to drop the bat and glove and pick up the ball,” Lehr said. 


   Upholding the trait of integrity as a Trinity prep Saint means always looking for the right thing to do. However, for saints online, this means prioritizing some things over another. Over the past couple months, many virtual students have missed important dates like the Saturday Afternoon Test (SAT) announced in assembly … because they’re all asleep. Additionally, many club leaders have found it difficult to organize meetings with the virtual students during break and lunch … because they’re all asleep. 

   But, ironically, this is the biggest tip we can offer for integrity. Sleeping between classes allows saints to recharge for their next class period, in order to ensure their full focus. These Saints put their teachers’ happiness as their priority, a commendable display of integrity.

   “Usually, it’s hard talking to the circles on Google meet because there’s no point. However, virtual students in my 3rd and 4th period class always have their camera on and ready to learn,” said Mathematics teacher Eric Schneider. “As a math teacher, you basically teach the same notes every day, but despite it all, they always seem excited and ready to learn.”

   While the nation continues to persist through these troubled times, we hope this guide helps you on your journey of what it means to be a Saint. Because in the end, we’re all a part of a community called the Trinity Prep Family.