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The Trinity Voice

The student news site of Trinity Preparatory School

The Trinity Voice

The student news site of Trinity Preparatory School

The Trinity Voice

SATIRE: Weightlifting Team Adopts New Training Method

Jaidyn Holt
Boys varsity weightlifting head coach Isiah Cabal shows off his physique and his Cabal Cycle protein shake.

   After being so close to the coveted district title for the last couple of years, boys varsity weightlifting coach Isiah Cabal has decided to take a more modern day approach to training his lifters. Cabal said that he spent all summer looking for fast and easy ways to get his lifters stronger. He said after searching through the internet for hours, he ended up on a website that was selling some type of pill that promoted fast results. 

   “After a week of using this product, I saw my strength go up tremendously, but I did not gain that much size because I am already shredded,” Cabal said. “I don’t know if administration would approve of my methods, so instead of telling administration, I just give my lifters a weekly ‘protein shake’ that is mixed in with my secret ingredient. I call it the ‘Cabal Cycle.’” 

   Surprisingly, Cabal said that his lifters are completely fine with him giving them this unknown protein shake because they all want to win and get stronger just as bad as he wants to. Sophomore Aurion Ekbatani said that he wants to take more of the Cabal Cycle than the normal amount that Cabal is giving the team right now. 

   “I’m trying to become the most aesthetic looking sophomore and ever since I went on this cycle, I have gotten closer and closer to this goal,” Ekbatani said. “It makes no sense for us to be taking these Cabal Cycle shakes only once a week when there are seven days in a week. I think Coach Cabal is limiting the amount of protein shakes that he gives us because he does not want us getting bigger than him.”

   For years, Cabal said that he had been using old fashioned methods of teaching lifters how to bench and clean and jerk, but he thinks his new method is a lot more efficient and even though it will result in serious health risks, they will only start to really affect your body later on in your life.

   “My bench was 195 pounds before I went on the Cabal Cycle, and now I am benching around 335 pounds,’’ Ekbatani said. “However, I haven’t really been sleeping that well, and I usually get two or three hours of sleep every night. I don’t know if it is the stuff in the shakes that is keeping me up at night, or because I’m so excited to take more of it.”

   The boys team has practice three days a week for about two hours. Cabal said that he utilizes this time to get his lifters mentally and physically prepared for their meets. 

   “Honestly, we don’t even train at practice anymore,” Ekbatani said. “Usually we just stand around and flex in the mirrors, admiring our hard work while Coach Cabal gives us motivational speeches.”

   Cabal plans to utilize this method of training for as long as he is the coach of the weightlifting team. Cabal said that once the Cabal Cycle is proven safe by his varsity lifters, he is considering getting the middle schoolers on the cycle as well. 

   “I am trying to build a winning culture here at Trinity,’’ Cabal said. “The middle school lifters are the future of the program so might as well start them young.”

   Cabal has high hopes going into the district meet and beyond. He said that as long as his lifters buy into the Cabal Cycle, they will have a successful season.

   “My main goals this season is to get all my lifters to the state meet and also win the state championship as a team,” Cabal said. “In ten years my lifters will look back at this and thank me for giving them the necessary tools to win.”

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About the Contributors
Boaz Kim, Fact Checking Editor
Boaz Kim is a senior who holds the role of fact-checking editor. Kim writes for the lifestyles department and enjoys playing basketball outside of school. As a hobby, Kim is passionate about working out as he is also on the weightlifting team. Kim also enjoys walking his dog, Toby. Contact him at [email protected].
Jaidyn Holt, Graphics and Layout Editor
Jaidyn Holt is a senior entering for her second year on staff as the graphics editor and layout editor. When she’s not busy with school or making the long commute there, she enjoys drawing, learning languages, and catching up on The Big Bang Theory. Contact her at [email protected].

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