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The Trinity Voice

The student news site of Trinity Preparatory School

The Trinity Voice

The student news site of Trinity Preparatory School

The Trinity Voice

[SATIRE] Garnett Rocks On

Olivia Prince

Students sitting in Honors 9 English crowded around the desk, trying to catch a glimpse at the phone. With the volume at its max, the room filled with beautiful music that couldn’t be ignored by passers by listening through the open door.

“This song is incredible. Who’s it by?” questioned ninth grader Nikhil Daniel.

“He’s super popular right now,” answered Sophia Scheinberg. “His name is Stevie Writes.”

Little did the students know that the music they were obsessing over has been written, recorded, and produced by Trinity Prep’s beloved English teacher, Steven Garnett. Between teaching English and touring the country, he lives a busy double life. 

“It definitely gets stressful, but this life is worth it. I’m filling up venues, playing the songs I love…What more could a guy ask for?” said Garnett. 

Students were shocked to find out that the man who used to dresscode them in 3rd period was topping charts on the side. Just last week, his new hit “Beowulf on my Mind” hit Number 1 on Billboard’s Hot 100. He entered class on Monday in a haze.

“I was doing my geometry homework in his class, but he didn’t even notice. He just kept humming this song and drumming on his desk,” reported ninth grader Jillian Hennebery. 

While concerns about his focus have risen, Garnett has been clear where his focus lies, putting rest to worries from administration. 

“Teaching will always come second to my fame. It’s just a fact of life. The students are great; it’s nothing personal,” Garnett said. 

This newfound “celebrity” attitude has become a stereotype echoed by the press for numerous celebrities who can’t handle the switch from normal guy to superstar. This rock star hasn’t avoided the archetype so far. 

Just last week, students gaped at the sight of their favorite English teacher cutting the fry line in the grille while humming another one of his top charting songs, “You’re My Midsummer Night’s Dream.” After he was met with controversy from the other fry-lovers, he just muttered how famous people should always get priority. 

“He’s becoming a guitar-loving monster,” said fellow English teacher Steve Krueger. 

Even with swaths of the Trinity family noticing his attitude change, Garnett hasn’t abandoned his new persona. He has only taken it steps further.

“Mr. Garnett is making us attend his concert to get credit for an assignment. The tickets are outrageous. This is worse than the great Taylor Swift-Ticketmaster Scandal of 2022,” Daniel said. 

Ninth graders are coughing up any lunch money they can find just to afford an A in the class. It’s causing chaos, with parents disappointed in the extra expense. 

“I just gotta sell this one out,” Garnett said. “I have to spend every night grading. The least they could do is spend one night having the time of their lives.”

Trinity students and faculty have given up all hope for Garnett to turn back to normalcy. 

“I think we finally lost him to the fans,” Scheinberg said. “It’s a shame, but at least the course load has gotten better with every TMZ article about him.”

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About the Contributor
Olivia Prince, Co-Editor of Photography Departmet
My name is Olivia Prince, and I am proud to be this year's co-photo editor. I am entering my senior year at Trinity and my second year on staff. I enjoy cooking, coaching gymnastics and watching soccer. I am always happy to help, so feel free to contact me at: [email protected]

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