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The Trinity Voice

The student news site of Trinity Preparatory School

The Trinity Voice

The student news site of Trinity Preparatory School

The Trinity Voice

SATIRE: Love is in the Air!

And so is Mono- watch out…

Hey lovers-

As we all know by now, high school relationships are notoriously composed of meaningful lasting connections that you will remember for the rest of your life. But they’re also really hard to navigate. Having relationship troubles? Need to talk to your crush? I provide answers to all of that and more. So here’s my list of tips and tricks to help you find love right here at school. Never fear, the love guru is here.


First dates are notoriously scary. First impressions count, so you don’t want to waste it. Under NO circumstances should you reveal your true personality on the first date, you don’t want to scare them off too soon. Save your deep-rooted psychological issues for the second date, you will be much more comfortable with each other by then. 

On your first date, make sure to “accidentally” leave your wallet at home. Feel no shame and don’t even bother doing the classic “looking for your wallet” bit when the check comes; you don’t want to date someone who is poor- know your worth! 

Worried about what to talk about? Don’t stress, I have compiled a list of neutral, stimulating topics to explore with your date:

  1. Politics
  2. Religion 
  3. Your Ex
  4. Family dynamics
  5. How much money they have
  6. Marriage
  7. Whether or not they want kids

Here is a saying I live by: “If the conversation’s dry, just lie!” Do you feel like you are coming off as boring? Are you stuck on small talk? Just to spice it up a bit, personally, I love telling people I am the lost princess of Genovia (IYKYK). After all, we all know the strongest relationships are based on lies. A lot of people have moral issues with lying, but if it is so wrong, why is it so easy?

If they confront you later about the dozens of lies you told, just gaslight them into thinking it’s their fault (don’t worry, this always works). See! I just lied. 


In terms of my thoughts on PDA: I say go for it! I find it completely appropriate to be BOLD with your actions! Nothing better than making everyone around you uncomfortable and sad. That’s the price they pay for being single, am I right? 

“It makes me really happy to see couples displaying their love in the hallway for everyone to see,” said sophomore Sarah Currie. “It is so selfless of them to share their love like that.”


Whether it be a little hallway crush or someone you have been obsessed with for years, I believe you should approach them all the same way:

Stalk them. Insert yourself into situations so you are always on their mind. Learn everything about them so you can change your interests for them… you know, get to know them! That’s my favorite trick. And when they finally start talking to you, ignore them! It’s good to keep them guessing about what you want, you can never be too unpredictable!

“You can never be too mysterious, that’s what keeps them interested in you,” said sophomore Daniel Chacko. 


Everyone says communication is the key to a strong relationship, but I think it is the lock. Why should you express your feelings for your partner? That is what your therapist is for. 

“I haven’t talked to my boyfriend in weeks, I feel great,” junior Taylor Pitone said. “Our relationship has never been stronger.”

Oversharing is a big red flag. Your partner should never know anything too personal about you, like your middle name, or your address. It is important to keep these things to yourself. I mean, everyone knows the more you keep hidden about yourself, the more your partner will trust you. You are building the foundation for a strong relationship. 


Breakups are rough. There are so many ways to approach them. 

My best tip is to air all your dirty laundry on social media. It comes off as really classy and mature. You can also do things like dye your hair neon green (you won’t regret it), create a new identity, and move to a foreign country- you know, healthy, realistic coping mechanisms. 

“I followed all of these tips and I am doing incredible,” said sophomore Cassidy Cruzada, before breaking down crying in the middle of the grille for reasons that have nothing to do with her recent breakup and new electric-blue hair. 


There you have it folks. This guide is all you need to navigate any high school relationship. Also, don’t be afraid to apply some of these tips to other relationships in your life. These tips have a 100% success rate(statistics to come at later date. Until next time. 


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