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The Trinity Voice

The student news site of Trinity Preparatory School

The Trinity Voice

The student news site of Trinity Preparatory School

The Trinity Voice

[SATIRE] Parking Under Pressure

Amanda+and+Milsten+get+into+a+parking+fiasco+in+Chapel+Hill+over+limited+spots.
Liv Laugh Love
Amanda and Milsten get into a parking fiasco in Chapel Hill over limited spots.

   3 am. That is now the appropriate time to arrive for Trinity drivers hoping to snag a parking spot on campus. Due to construction in the main parking lot, the only viable source of parking for students and faculty has become the 40 spots offered at Chapel Point, which are not nearly enough to support Trinity’s 500 drivers. As a result, it has become a survival of the fittest. 

   “On Monday I arrived at 3:05am to look for parking, and just as I had begun pulling into the last spot, I was rear-ended by Mr. Milsten, not once but six times,” Sophomore Amanda Rose Destafano said. “He didn’t stop until my car broke down, and I was no longer able to park. Milsten then maneuvered around me and pulled into the spot himself.”

   While to most this may seem like a targeted act of aggression, Trinity has become accustomed to this sort of behavior. Even going so far as to promote it among the students.

   “It’s not anything personal towards Amanda Rose, I love the kid,” History teacher William Milsten said. “However, I do what I have to do. Trinity parking is not a battle I can afford to lose. Sure, Amanda was supposedly ‘already pulling in’ but she hadn’t actually parked yet. As far as I’m concerned that spot was still fair game. If this parking fiasco should teach our kids anything it’s that you should always go after what you want. I haven’t done anything but be a role model for our youth.”

   In the last week alone there have been over 30 incidents similar to the one between Destafano and Milsten. However, not all in the parking game have chosen violence. 

   A select group of students and faculty have begun living out of their cars in Chapel Point, instead of fighting over parking in the wee hours of the morning. Over the past few weeks they have formed somewhat of a rural living community. 

   “We are really like a family out there, all taking care of each other. I’ve grown to love our little circle,” Junior Mohil Kapadia said. 

   Math teacher Shannon Bergman has taken on the role of caretaker in the Chapel Point Commun. 

   “I don’t do much really,” Bergman said. “I just make sure everyone gets fed and has a warm blanket for the night, it can sometimes get chilly during those cold fronts and heating all the cars can get pretty pricey.”

   For the most part this strategy seems far preferable to endangering your life in the morning fight for parking, but the bathroom situation does give it some drawbacks.

   “When we all moved into Chapel Point no one really considered where we’d built a restroom or if we’d have one at all. We were all so sleep deprived those first weeks that no one ever bothered to build a proper potty, and by the time we’d adjusted to our new home everyone had become used to using nature’s water closet. So by that point no one really felt the need to build a proper bathroom,” Senior Sreekar Nagulapalli said. 

   Despite the many drivers arriving before dawn or never leaving campus, some of Trinity’s drivers have converted to more convenient modes of transportation, opting to swim or fly to school.

   “I recently completed my flying certification and have been using it to fly a small plane to and from school each day. The quad makes for the ideal landing strip,” Junior Olivia Kortman said. “Plus it’s so nice to fly to school because I can wake up late as there is no traffic.”

   The swim team has also been able to utilize their unique skill set in this time of crisis. 

   “I live a few lakes down from the one at Trinity and have taken to swimming through the canals and lakes to get to school in the morning. Although it’s exhausting I’ve found my morning exercise to be quite rewarding. Although it is awkward when I leave wet footprints in my first couple periods,” Sophomore and swimmer Cara Mortimer said. 

  Although students and teachers have learned to cope with their new normal, it is becoming clear that the situation is not sustainable. For at this rate, we’ll be lucky if half the student population makes it to Summer. 

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