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The Trinity Voice

The student news site of Trinity Preparatory School

The Trinity Voice

The student news site of Trinity Preparatory School

The Trinity Voice

[SATIRE] Partly Cloudy Goes Through Storm

Undefeated bocce ball team is a fraud
%5BSATIRE%5D+Partly+Cloudy+Goes+Through+Storm

   We all know about the faculty bocce ball league, but only few know about what goes on behind the scenes. Standing undefeated and crushing their opponents, Partly Cloudy has dominated the faculty bocce ball league this year. The pair of Steven Krueger and Brandon Burmeister have been talking all the smack to other staff members, but recent news uncovers why the two have appeared unbeatable.

   Partly Cloudy started off the season 3-0, winning in the same fashion every game. The team seems to always go down big and quickly turn it around, miraculously throwing every ball perfectly. When asked about the game, Krueger’s confidence was at an all-time high.

   “What do you mean ‘how do I do it?” said Krueger. “If you’ve ever watched me play you would know that I’m him. Ask anyone, when it comes to clutch moments, I’m that guy.”

   Allegations of misconduct have silenced the Partly Cloudy duo. Pictures have surfaced of Burmeister handing his bocce balls to Chemistry teacher Nick Eliason. After multiple tests, it appears that the balls were tampered with to assure Partly Cloudy the victory every week. Krueger didn’t appear to regret his decisions, saying that “ball is life.”

   “This league is my life,” Krueger said. “I have a winner mentality and do what it takes to win. I hate losing and love winning–it’s that simple. So when Nick approached me about a business opportunity, I took it. ”

   Elliason placed magnets in the balls and in exchange for Elliason’s work, team Partly Cloudy paid for his Tinder profile and dates, both of which rack up a very expensive bill. When asked about why he conceded, Eliason said that his main focus in life is making dough.

   “I try to set the best example I can for my students and hopefully this teaches them an important lesson that I live by,” Eliason said. “Get the bag and get out.”

   The allegations were made by Dean of Upper School Kyle McGimsey. McGimsey is a member of the team, The Runner Ups, and was overheard while worrying about having to play Krueger and Burmeister. After the allegations surfaced, senior Thomas Kienle confessed to being hired by McGimsey to spy on them.

   “I hated turning them in,” Kienle said. “Mr Burm has always been the GOAT. He was my golf coach and teacher, so the decision was very tough, but the pay was too good. McGimsey got that bag for real.”

   Despite their obvious athletic abilities, Burmeister and Krueger felt that they needed assurance of their victory. After avoiding multiple scandals during his career, Burmeister felt invincible. 

   “I figured we could hide it,” Burmeister said. “I’ve been stealing Diet Coke from the grille for the past 10 years and no one’s noticed.”

   As a result of the tampering, team Partly Cloudy will be forced to retire from the league. 

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About the Contributor
David Hull, Sports Editor
David Hull is a junior entering his third year on staff as editor of the sports department. In his free time, he constantly gets buckets on his friends (some compare him to Austin Reaves), watches "Friends" on repeat and scrolls through Instagram Reels because he is too stubborn to download TikTok. Contact him at [email protected].

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