While students frequently complain about strict rules they have to follow, many have now observed teachers forgetting these very rules that they are supposed to enforce.
Dress Code
A student was pulled out of class by widely feared Assistant Head of the Upper School Sebastiaan Blickman. Everyone knew what was coming: a dress code. However, students noticed something odd. Blickman was also out of dress code! When they pointed this out, Blickman claimed that the dress code did not apply to him.
“I work so hard each day, and tucked shirts are extremely uncomfortable and are very distracting,” Blickman said.
The untucked shirts slowly graduated to Blickman wearing clothing that completely violates dress codes including jorts (the middle ground between jeans and shorts).
“I should be free to wear what I want in school,” Blickman said. “After all, jorts allow me to express my stylistic freedom.”
Chewing Gum
Dean of Students Kyle McGimsey has been spotted chewing gum on campus. It is speculated that the gum he collects from students in exchange for mints has all been going to his secret collection.
“I can’t resist the temptation of chewing on sweet, minty gum,” McGimsey said. “As the kids say nowadays, it tastes as sweet as the Roman Republic’s victories!”
He has also been seen disposing of his gum in some questionable areas such as on the ground or under desks.
“Sometimes, it’s too hard to and a trashcan nearby,” McGimsey said. “It also sets an example for students of how disgusting gum can be, which ultimately means more gum for me.”
Tardy
Math teacher Eric Schneider has been tardy for the third week in a row and has constantly been showing up to school late at around 11:00 am due to “traffic”.
“There has been an extremely long car line every day this past month which has stretched for miles and miles,” Schneider said.
However, many have started to speculate that he may have been intentionally not coming to school.
“School can be so stressful sometimes,” Schneider said. “Writing students up for untucked shirts can be so exhausting. After all, a man like me needs at least 15 hours of sleep in order to effectively function for the day ahead.”
Phones
English teacher Steven Garnett has been spotted playing games on his phone during class instead of teaching.
“I am on level 99 in Candy Crush,” Garnett said. “I MUST WIN!”
Students are forced to give their phones to Garnett so that everyone watches him patiently beat the level.
“Candy Crush is a perfect way to enhance one’s mind and give students a better understanding of the English language,” Garnett said.
Missing Chapel
Chaplain Father Russell is known for routinely missing chapel even though it is his job to lead it. To avoid suspicion from others, he tries his best to distract students.
“Just a few chapels ago, I distracted you guys with a mountain bike video,” Father Russell said. “While everyone was watching the bike travel up and down, up and down, up and down, I was able to leave the auditorium and play basketball instead!”
Grading Homework
History teacher Robin Grenz has not graded homework in almost a month. More than 50 assignments have yet to be returned to students including tests despite the heavy course load that she assigns.
“Grading homework can be tough, especially when I assign so much homework,” Grenz said. “In fact, the last time I graded an assignment was the other month.”
Since the grading quarter is almost over, Grenz has over 1,000 assignments to grade for all students.
“Instead of grading all of this homework, I am planning to give everyone a 50 for effort,” Grenz said. “I hope this teaches a lesson.”
“Rules are only meant to be followed by students, not by teachers,” McGimsey said. “It’s called the Student Handbook, not the Teacher Handbook which is why we don’t have to follow any rules. Have fun tucking your shirts in, suckers!”
