Trinity did not fail to showcase its prosperity during the most important day of the year, Grandparent’s Day. In order to impress the guests, Administration made the campus exceptionally accommodating, with upgraded toilet paper, comfier seats and most surprisingly: a completed construction on the Nochur Sankar Science Center.
The Nochur Sankar Science Center had grandparents and students commenting on the cutting-edge laboratories and creative learning facilities.
“It’s a lot bigger than I imagined it would be,” senior Robinson Baptiste said. “No way they needed that much space for science”
To showcase the building even more, the school purposefully slowed down the carpool line, allotting the special guests extra time to praise our new work of art.
“I got to admire the building for 2 hours,” Carol Sanzo, grandmother of senior Sarah Fisher said. “The first twenty minutes were spectacular, but the rest of the time was unbearable.”
The building was made to seem constructed, but working with AP-3D Art teacher Vadim Malkin’s class, Administration ordered the students to create a clay replica in place of their final project. To give the class an extra obstacle, Malkin decided to double the size of the building from the original plans.
“It was easy to say yes to such a huge project,” Malkin said. “They finally agreed to buy the art department a 3D printer, and even though It wasn’t the right model, I’ll take whatever we can get.”
Science department chair Dr. Romina Jannotti was in charge of making sure grandparents would stay away from the fake building.
“Grandparents were told they couldn’t go inside the building due to nuclear fusion being tested with the new state-of-the-art learning environment,” Dr. Jannoti said. “Even though they didn’t step foot in the building, they were happy to see that their donations to the school were put to good use!”
It was truly a beautiful morning to be on campus, as the sky was extra blue, which some are attributing to leftover chalk from the Headmaster’s Day Color War.
Everything on campus was beautiful: the bushes were perfectly trimmed and the grass seemed a bit greener. Indeed, the grass actually was greener, as it had been spray painted the day before for aesthetics. As the groundskeeping crew was applying the paint, the glow was so bright that it woke up Head of School Byron Lawson from his house at 5 a.m.
“I thought the sun had risen, but when I looked out my window, all I could see was a massive green brightness coming from campus,” Lawson said, “I even had to call Kyle [McGimsey] to check if the leprechauns were let out from the basement early.”
An upgrade in toilet paper was well enjoyed by all, except the upper school office, who were angered that their exclusive toilet paper stash was being used up. When questioned on why their secret stash had been kept secret, the office did not comment.
Toilet paper enthusiast Luke Gregg, who has been protesting for better toilet paper for over a year, was outraged by reasoning for better toilet paper quality.
“I have been protesting the half-ply toilet paper for ages and all of a sudden they coincidently upgrade it for their most generous donors?” Gregg said. “I’m not surprised.”
Thanks to all of the upgraded amenities and clever deception, this year’s donation goal of $10 million was surpassed by over $100 million. The school immediately announced plans for the use of the funds, which included automatic dress code cameras and a brand-new football stadium. Teacher raises were not included in the plans, however, the return of the panini station is at least set to return in 2093!
