On March 5th, 2024, tragedy struck. As senior Ben Pringle was filling up a cup with Diet Coke, he noticed something strange. There was no syrup coming out of the dispenser, just fizzy water. The machine was… empty!
Pringle rushed out of The Grille and into social science teacher Brandon Burmeister’s classroom. After informing Burmeister about the devastating news, they shared the same expression: one of disbelief and brokenheartedness.
“I just knew he’d understand,” Pringle said. “Mr. Burmeister and I practically live off Diet Coke. It’s our fuel.”
Burmeister expresses his concern about the soda shortage in The Grille.
“I just wasn’t prepared for this,” Burmeister said. “What am I supposed to do now?”
Without a steady intake of the delicious beverage, Pringle and Burmeister went mad, resulting in all kinds of chaos around campus.
“In class on Friday, he just lost it,” senior Grace Brady said. “Instead of giving us a regular assignment, Mr. Burmeister handed us each a picture of Donald Trump and a Cheeto Puff, and told us to circle five differences between the two images.”
In addition to this debacle, Burmeister was caught climbing a tree in the quad.
“I saw him perched up in the tree with binoculars,” freshman Asad Sadikov said. “I had to call over Mrs. Massey-Burmeister just to get him to come down.”
Burmeister attempted to justify his behavior by explaining how he was on the lookout for contraband Diet Coke around campus.
“I spotted a student with a Coke can and knew I had to do something,” Burmeister said.
Victim junior Sallee Rosen shared her side of the story.
“He flagged me down during lunch and offered to exchange the rest of my drink for an ‘A’ in his class,” Rosen said. “Frankly, it was traumatic. I could see the lunacy in his eyes.”
While Burmeister was eliciting insanity around school, Pringle was reported for similar shenanigans. The deprivation made them delirious.
“I had to ask Ben to step out of my AP Chem class yesterday,” science teacher Nicholas Eliason said. “During the lab he was trying to mix different chemicals together to make a drink resembling Diet Coke.”
Pringle was asked to leave school for a temporary suspension, however he refused. When students were called to make announcements during the all-school assembly on the following Monday, he marched up on stage and pried the microphone from Dean of Students Kyle McGimsey’s hands. Pringle declared to the entire student body that it had been nearly a week since The Grille ran out of Diet Coke, and it was time to make a change.
“I was so moved by his speech,” freshman Carson Bates said. “Ben is right. This is an outrage, and I will not stand for it.”
Many other students felt inspired by Pringle’s announcement. As soon as everyone was dismissed from assembly, the quad became a place of chaos and calamity.
Fights broke out between classmates and peers. Friends turned on each other. Even teachers couldn’t hold back.
In addition to the violence, a school wide boycott took place throughout the week in protest to The Grille’s soda shortage. Students refused to purchase food and drinks from the establishment, and had to scrounge around on campus for scraps of food that were left behind.
Eighth grader Gabriella Davis spoke up about the state Trinity Prep was in.
“Our school environment has turned toxic,” Davis said. “I’m upset about the Diet Coke, too, but when it comes down to it, it’s just not worth fighting over.”
In an effort to restore peace throughout the school, Head of School Byron Lawson called an emergency all-school assembly.
“I do NOT condone this behavior,” Lawson said during the meeting. “Last I heard, violence and unruliness are not qualities of a saint. Have you no dignity?”
A wave of silence fell among the students. For the first time in nearly a week, there was no yelling or shouting or pushing or shoving. The Trinity Prep family was in a state of tranquility.
“I have never seen such disrespect before,” Lawson said. “There is only one punishment I can think of.”
The students sat up in their chairs and leaned forward, eager to hear what the Head of School had to say. Lawson paused dramatically and let out a sigh before making his big announcement.
“We are permanently replacing the Diet Coke dispenser in The Grille with Coke Zero,” Lawson said.
