Last January, then-sophomores Jack Borgman and Max Koehler set off on their treacherous journey up to TPS to begin the second semester. After a grueling 15-hour car ride, the students rolled down their window to be greeted by a face full of snow.
“I don’t know how i got here, but this is not my school,” Koehler captioned his Snap that unexpectedly chilly evening. “We’re not in Winter Park anymore.”
It turned out they had ended up at another TPS: The Philadelphia School, a progressive middle school in Pennsylvania.
“I put TPS into Google, and this is what it gave me,” said Borgman, who was driving. “They really need to specify what TPS we are.”
A year and one crest rebrand later, the administration has delivered. Our new status as TPSF has saved the lives of countless Florida men who might otherwise have frozen to death like Koehler. However, it has also sparked many theories on what the F truly stands for.
F is for Failure
One common interpretation is that the F is Trinity’s way of admitting its A+ rating on Niche might not be the whole picture.
“I’m here to save the school from its many failures, and my Schneidey senses are tingling that one of them is its ego,” Trinity’s friendly neighborhood Schneider-Man said. “We definitely get an F in the parking department.”
F is for Forensics
Members of Trinity’s elite speech and debate team have another take on the acronymic addition: It is a much overdue testament to their unparalleled greatness.
“Forensics on top,” senior and team captain Jonah Downs said. “We bring back national titles, an overblown sense of self and attendance rates lower than The Voice’s readership. Where else do you get that combo?”
A fight later broke out between Downs and CSI teacher Carrie Lopez over what forensics actually is. But Lopez confirmed what it isn’t: the F in our school name.
F is for Free — No More Tuition!
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F is for Feminism
Chemistry teacher Nicholas Eliason sees the F as a symbol of Trinity’s commitment to progressive values.
“Women can be anything they want to be,” Eliason wrote in a manifesto posted outside the upper school office. “It is shameful that I have to remind my students of that so often, but this new name should help them embrace diversity in thought and perspective.”
The Voice reached out to Eliason for further comment but found his office empty. Amidst the stack of half-graded labs lay a crumpled letter hailing from the desk of Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis: “F is for FIRED!”
F is for Flori-DUH
Still others maintain the original explanation to be the correct one. AP Human Geography teacher Gregory Wedel has no qualms believing students needed the clarification.
“I’ve taught social studies for decades, and I’m telling you, some of these kids couldn’t tell North Korea from North Carolina,” Wedel said. “I’ve asked for what state our school is located in and been given Tuskawilla. This addition should help plant them in geographical reality, God willing and the creek don’t rise.”
Since the introduction of the F, the correct answer rate on Wedel’s question has gone up from 13% to 17%, the highest it’s been since the ’50s when he started teaching. Social science fellow Quinn McKenzie confirmed Wedel’s suspicions.
“It stands for Florida, dawg,” McKenzie said. “Take it from me. I’m a fellow. Part of the fam. They obviously tell me everything.”
This momentous change is the first step toward developing the worldly, geographically aware scholars TPSF should strive for.
“I feel so educated to finally know we’re in Florida,” senior Diego Amador said. “A well-spent $26K right there. Now if only I knew where Florida was.”
