I am a fan of all things cocoa: from the heart-attack-inducing Hershey’s bar to … well … “Coco,” the movie. In this stupendous story, the audience comes to understand that in the afterlife, people continue to live on so long as they are remembered by the living. 

   If that logic holds true, then our school’s lost-and-found is just as alive as the library’s loaner computers: not at all. It seems like, in classic Men in Black neuralyzer fashion, every student who loses something at school gets their memory wiped.

   As a sharp man with even sharper bow ties (Mr. McGimsey) once said: “Our lost-and-found has become a lost-and-forgotten.” Even the guidelines for a functional and harmonious society aren’t enough to save Trinity students from procrastination and short-term memory loss.

   Water bottles: stacked up in rows larger than the average teenage girl’s Stanley Cup collection. Phone chargers: in such numbers they could collectively power every senior’s will to get out of bed in the morning. And piles of t-shirts and shorts: raising a lot of comments, questions and concerns for how those students leave campus forlorn of such essentials.

   While the lost-and-found’s goodies are donated away at the end of every semester, I’m sure there are plenty of other places where we can toss people’s junk. For example, how great would it be if we take all of those Trinity hoodies and shirts and whatnots and give them to our brand new on-campus merch store? If we just slap a “made out of recycled materials” sticker on them and call it environmentally friendly, we can watch as the tree-huggers purchase their own clothes. Oh, the irony.

   Word count permitting, I would also humbly like to offer an alternative directed towards my target audience: you! 

   Here’s a thought: Try an AirTag. Slap that baby on any of your valuables, and you’re set! While I may or may not be paid by Apple for my previous statement (I’m not), one piece of advice that is 100% authentic Commentaaron is simply to not bring unnecessary items to school. More likely than not, what you’re probably going to forget is that one blanket you bring to fourth period because it’s too cold and teachers aren’t granted the elite and prestigious authority to touch the AC. 

   This lost cause of a lost-and-found makes “me loco, un poquititito loco.” But I believe in you all. Put your minds to it, and we can all be found, not lost!