Dear Trinity,

Please accept this letter as formal notice that I am resigning from my position as the only funny person at this school. My last day of employment will be May 22.

I would like to thank you for the opportunities I have been given during my employment at this institution. It is at this time that I would like to recall all of the fond memories I’ve made over the years.

That took less time than I expected.

Upon my departure, there are many teachers I will miss. Most of them don’t work here anymore. My mom told me they all went to a farm upstate. Who would’ve guessed that farming was a more lucrative job than teaching at a private school?

Of course, there will be many things I won’t miss. I don’t think I’m allowed to say all of them, but I’ll list them down below in hopes they get through.

First off,                                                                                               

            But who can forget when   

                         Oh, and there was that one

Despite my complaints, in the end, I do feel prepared. Although, I don’t know quite what I’m prepared for. Knowledge like that is above my pay grade — like teachers when you ask them how to fix the classroom’s AC.

During my final days, I am committed to ensuring a smooth transition for my successor. I have heard your complaints about him: “YOU’RE the Humor God, not him”; “I miss you already”; “nobody can replace you, king.” Trust me, I know. Nevertheless, in time I’m sure you’ll come to love him.

Jokes aside, I am forever grateful and appreciative for the opportunity to work with so many great teachers. But just like me, they’ve received better offers.

Yours truly,

          The Commentaaron