Dearest Gentle Readers, 

    Worry not for boredom, for the cure is here. Once again at the advent of a new year, the illustrious society of  Trinity Prep is bustling; so hold your horses and promenade with me into the innergoings of the Trinity Ton. Make sure to lift up your dresskirts and dresscoats, for this author has prepared a winding muddy journey of shocking discoveries. 

FORMIDABLE FASHION EXTRAVAGANZA 

    On an unsuspecting day, the royal court blessed the Ton with the beginnings of a new age in fashion: insignia belts. Dropped at the doorstep of every Senior advisory, these engraved belts put the denim in the past, with the belt market in hot demand. 

   “The gifts were dropped so suddenly we were all shocked by the generosity of the royal court,” modiste Maiori Butz said. “Oh how we tore into those bags, fighting for those precious belts. I mean they are the epitome of functionality and refined chicness.”

   Of course, the Ton eagerly embraced this fad– not only for the pleasant navy tweed color – but because they were struck by history on the belts, compelled to learn every specific iteration and color change of the Chi Roh on Trinity’s insignia. 

“This one’s a keeper — perfectly encapsulating the Ton,” Miss Katie Alvarez said.

VISITS FROM FOREIGN DELEGATES  

   As the Ton’s market booms, high society from foreign nations sent delegations to witness the magnificence of our billowing green pastures and admire the gleam of Porsche Hazard Yellow of the Sankar staircase under the shining sun. 

   “I very much enjoy sitting outside of the auditorium surveying the Ton, but I have so much to offer: trades, scholarships and connections from far away lands,” school master Ms. Frizzle from St. Bartholomew’s Institute of Scholarly Excellence said. “If only they may speak to me… I don’t think they understand that I speak the same language.” 

   This author asks the reader to send their thoughtful greetings during their daily promenade, acknowledging that while the Grille may be the true destination of this journey, it doesn’t hurt to pause and converse with the lonely folk sometimes. 

   Here are some recent visitors to look out for in your next stroll:

• Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
• Polar Express University of Locomotives 
• Genghis Khan Institute of Aeronautics and Celestial Bodies 

RESPONSE TO QUEEN’S ROYAL DECREE 

   Hereby excerpted from the Royal Highness: 

   “My dear subjects, what good works you all have accomplished in the effort of all members of the Ton–the young, the old and all in between. The royal court seeks not only what’s good on the outside, but what truly matters inside, and that is ensuring the Ton is a place rooted in inclusivity. Unite and create ever-lasting relationships for the good of the Ton.” 

   In fostering such kinship, new education programs sprouted in an effort to forge bonds with not only the eligible ladies and gentlemen, but their parents — after all no one must be left behind! Living up to its name, Trinity preps not only for higher education, but for colonoscopy as well. 

   “When I received that invitation to join ‘Colonoscopy: An Expedition Through the Digestive Tract,’ my love for high society grew by tenfold,” Dutchess Goldie Banks said. “I’ve never felt so recognized.” 

   This author notes that upon attending these classes, Dutchess Goldie Banks’s newfound enlightenment in colonoscopy seemingly revitalized her philanthropy as well. She cemented her legacy with a royal plastic plaque on Sankar Wall after donating a Mega Deluxe Alligator Leather Lounge Chair, which may be sighted in the upstairs lake-view office. 

DIAMOND OF THE SEASON 

   This season, something peculiar happened. This author unraveled the greatest mystery of all. NO ONE IS THE DIAMOND. Instead, the royal court decreed that being the “Diamond’ is a state of mind – attained only by achievements (awards preferably) and kindness (hint, follow Duchess Banks’s example). 

   This way all members of the Ton have an equal shot at being a Diamond. Forget virtue, awards are far more measurable. Here are some individuals who reach Diamond Status as of late: 

• Anakin who won the “Cutest Furry Animal of Medium Size on a Prep School Campus Located in Orlando, Florida” 
• The MAC building which ranked #1 for Extreme Temperature Changes (modeling after the Sahara and North Pole, of course ) 
• The collective Diversity of Spirituality, Thought, Perspective Council for upholding core tenets and curating mutli-faceted discussions … and providing optimal photo-ops for Trinity’s LinkedIn.

   That is all. Be warned: I take no prisoners, only notes. Until next time,

Lady Whistlesaint