No matter what family-centered sitcom you watch, you’ll likely be faced with the same common tropes that correspond with each sibling. The oldest craves independence, the middle child feels overlooked, and the youngest sibling is spoiled and coddled by the parents. Although the media may exaggerate these traits, there is some logic behind these decade-old stereotypes.
In the 20th century, the Austrian psychiatrist Alfred Adler introduced the idea that birth order impacts both development and personality and proposed his concept of birth order theory. Alder’s theory suggests firstborns get more attention and time from their parents. First-time parents are learning, which means they may be more strict, cautious or paranoid, leading to older siblings being more responsible, competitive and confident.
“I’m more organized and responsible,” older sibling and sophomore Madison White said. “Not to say that (my brother is) not organized, he’s just more free.”
Part of the reason for “Oldest Child Syndrome” — the personality traits and pressures commonly present in firstborn children — is the possible expectation of older siblings to help raise the younger children. Older siblings often ride the line between parentification and simply helping out, developing nurturing and responsible characteristics. Large age gaps can exacerbate this dynamic.
“I would say I’m in charge of him (while home alone), but at the same time, we’re both kind of in charge of ourselves,” Madison said. “Because there’s a three-year age gap between us, so he can handle himself.”
While almost everyone feels a sense of protectiveness towards their siblings, the oldest tends to have a greater sense of care, which is expressed in many ways.
“When we were little, we’d go to playgrounds and I would always be like this is my baby brother, don’t touch him,” Madison said. “He can handle himself at this point, but if we were ever in a situation, I would always stand up for him.”
In addition to influencing personality, research has found that older siblings on average tend to have more advanced cognitive development than younger siblings. According to a 2017 study from the University of Essex, firstborns are 16% more likely to excel academically and pursue higher education. The study links this to parents offering more mental stimulation, which decreases with each additional child.
Common traits associated with middleborns, according to an article by Kendra Cherry MSEd (Master of Science in Education), are independent, peacemaker, people pleaser, outgoing, adaptable, attention-seeking, competitive and insecure.
“I’m definitely independent and adaptable, but I wouldn’t say I’m the classic peacemaker,” middle child and freshman Collete Voll said. “I’m actually the competitive one.”
Middle children may seek social attention outside of the family and or seek balance in their relationships, including with siblings, wanting to ensure equal treatment and contribution. This doesn’t mean however that middle children can’t have strong relationships with their siblings.
“I’d say it’s about connection from both sides,” Voll said. “It’s about feeling supported while also being someone others can depend on. I truly couldn’t be more grateful for my siblings and for the place I have in my family.”
Middle children are sometimes known to have a rebellious streak that comes from wanting to create a separate identity from their siblings. Some do this due to being overshadowed, but plenty don’t feel that way at all. “It’s hard to feel overshadowed when everyone has completely different personalities,” Voll said. “If anything, I just leaned into what made me different.”
Being the middleborn is an experience with it’s own set of challenges and benefits.
“For me, it’s the joy of walking through the door after a long day and having my little siblings run up to me with big hugs and huge smiles like I’m the most important person in the world,” Voll said. “Those moments mean more than they probably even realize. At the same time, I get the constant support of my big brother, whether it’s driving me to school, supporting me inmy sport, or playing games and backyard sports with me since we were little.”
As the babies of the family, younger siblings are often believed to be spoiled and coddled compared to their older siblings, sometimes the result of more relaxed rules with each subsequent child. This can be fairly accurate for some, including younger brother and sixth grader Logan White. Parents are more confident in their parenting abilities after their first child, they often become more relaxed and laid-back.
“My bedtime and rules slacked a little from my sister,” Logan said. “My bedtime is a little later than my sister’s at my age.”
Because of more flexible rules, some struggle with self-regulation in comparison to older siblings. With more freedom, they are more likely to be courageous. Younger siblings are often seen as extroverted, crafty, charming and thrill seeking.
“It (being the younger child) has shaped me by making me more risk taking,” Logan said.
Younger siblings are seen as more dependent on their parents. This dependency can come from parents having less free time and being quicker to assist the youngest. Some develop manipulation or charm as a means of getting parental attention, which often affects familial relationships and roles.
“I think my role in the family is for basketball fans, a ‘role player’ (a player who fills in gaps left by star players),” Logan said. “I do what my parents tell me to do and try to do the best I can.”
It’s a complicated dilemma because sometimes younger siblings grow up in the shadow of the standard set by their older siblings. However, having this standard can serve for some lastborns as a useful guide through difficult seasons of life.
“If I was the older one, I think that I would be lost,” Logan said. “She experienced classes before me and told me how they were. If I were older, I wouldn’t have that guidance.”
Often, only children are the emotional focus of the household, leading to the trope in pop culture of being spoiled, difficulty sharing, bossy and self-centered. The reality is much more complex.
“I feel I do receive more attention,” only child and sophomore Kirsten Olson said. “For example, I have friends who have siblings, and they don’t necessarily get a lot of attention, but I don’t necessarily think that I always have the spotlight.”
Having all this attention isn’t always what it’s hyped up to be. Only children sometimes face high expectations from parents which encourages perfectionism and a need for control, whether it’s intentional or not.
“I do (feel the focus), especially with grades, because I do not have other siblings to rely on,” Olson said. “My parents are always checking my grades and only mine.”
Growing up, only children often spend a lot of time alone than those with siblings, which leads to more introversion.
“I definitely prefer being on my own unless it’s people that I’m really close with, just because that’s kind of how I grew up, in my own bubble every day at the house,” Olson said. “It was just me in my room.”
Conflict resolution is often a struggle that only children struggle with more because they do not experience the typical childhood tifts with siblings.
“I’m not very good at handling conflict. I usually, when I have an opinion, it’s probably a strong opinion, so I usually argue my way until people kind of give up,” Olson said.
Being an only child comes with its pros and cons. You may lose out on certain experiences that come with having siblings. Many only children grow up wanting siblings, but as they grow up, their perspective often shifts.
“I was always talking about having a baby sister or a baby brother or an older brother,” Olson said. “But as I’ve grown up, I realized that I am kind of grateful. I’ve never had to share my room or I got to pick what we had for dinner. So, I’m less sad about the fact that I didn’t have a sibling.”
